10:26 AM » Cigarettes Kill

Today I was, by who knows what, inspired to take what little Spanish I´ve memorized for a public sort of trial run. I report that it was, more or less, a mediocre success. I challenged myself to apply the utmost pressure by approaching (how to word this?) the most mercilessly gorgeous passerby available -- of whom there, as I believe have yet to tell, is an unjust abundance -- and ask him (uh??) or her for a light. After more than several cowardly retreats, each complete with its own ridiculously excessive and unwarranted list of excuses, I settled on a Spanish (semi-)MILF of sorts (pathetically, all the strength I could muster), who obliged, but who wore constantly an 'I can see how trying that was for you' kind of smile on her sun and time leathered unprintable face. I have hence made the decision to immediately, and again, stop smoking, as it is butting my mental health (a topic on which I've spent immeasurable amounts of energy avoiding discussing here of late) even further into jeopardy. On this there's just so much to say. With, and for such a length!, great percentages like these of one's time allotted or left for haunting oneself, even in the presence of familiar company, one begins to feel overly (obsessively?) self-conscious and self-critical, as s/he seems to be the only one (obviously, but you surely understand what was meant?) with whom to be so. Sometimes there is just so little to say. Am I gonna die? Am I gonna die? I purchased an additional three books today, as they've shown to be the most effective distraction from myself. There is always hope my friends! I may make it yet to December!

 1:10 PM »  Ol' Fuss & Feathers - Fuss & Feathers Forevers

D - be the ball.