2:01 p. m. » Pinch on the Butt

Cecile has had a friend staying with us for about a week now. I'd been operating under the premise, the assumption, that this woman must have been between 27 and 33 years old -- and in my defense, by the way, she's curiously tall for a French woman, reaching almost where I do. While walking with her to retrieve Serena from school, I learned today (and with an unspeakable degree of shock and/or panic -- see below) that she's a measly TWENTY-TWO years old, younger than even me; information which, in addition to drastically altering my thoughts' context of everything that's been seen by and done in front of her thus far, has completely blown my mind. Christ, I haven't felt like this since the first time I saw The Sixth Sense. OMGOMGOMG I HAVE to see this again. I tried acting natural, consistent for the remainder of the time spent with her, but she must have sensed the racket that had suddenly erupted inside my head, because she brought it up a second time -- or maybe she just noticed me sweating (I then realized, as she playfully punched my shoulder, that she may or may not have been flirting with me at that exact moment, and the situation, or the situation I, myself, was placing myself in, no, that I, more accurately, was unwillingly forcing inside my or subjecting my conscience/¿imagination? to, I don't know, CHRIST, suddenly lost all [well you know, what little there was left] grip on any sort of mental equilibrium or restraint that it had once, suddenly long, long ago, had or known -- WHAT HAD SHE BEEN DOING AND THINKING ALL THESE DAYS? I CAN'T REMEMBER. PLEASE GOD, PLEASE TELL ME SHE'S NOT FLIRTING WITH ME, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY THAT SHE HASN'T BEEN FLIRTING WITH ME. PLEASE God, I KNOW I'm stupid, but I don't want to be BLIND. PLEASE God, tell me I'm not blind. Don't let me find out that she'd actually been sent for for me -- I know Cecile finds my rarely wanting to go out with other students strange. But no. That's not possible. Not even for Cecile.). I told her I supposed I just hadn't thought about it (nice!), and yes this was the truth, but Jesus (also the name of one of my new teachers! Um -- gay!), what should I expect the remainder of our days together to bring? How awkward and self conscious will I act! Her departure is the new Easter. What is going on here -- and what in God's name, moreover but maybe first of all, is a 36 year old woman doing with a 22 year old friend, visiting from across the WORLD (Ok continent, YES A SMALL CONTINENT -- okay, not even, from FRANCE, but still)? They stay out and drink until four in the morning! This is beyond me, and has most definitely turned up the suss factor of my setting a notch. Worstly of all, I don't even know how to spell or say her fucking name.

 5:52 a. m. »  Sleep Out

Your posts take on a whole new life if you intone David Sedaris' voice while reading them. Your sister Amy is cool...wait....David Silverman/David Sedaris - Amy Silverman/Amy Sedaris....how do you sat 'wtf' in Spanish?

 10:40 p. m. »  d

A. You must have missed the news. My name may not be Silverman for much longer.

B. WTF in Spanish is: Búhos tienen penes pequeños.